The Feast of the Cafeteria

And on the third day, there was a feast in the cafeteria. And it came to be that only II people had showed up. For on that day, there happened to pass another event, the comedy of errors. And when the feast had begun, Mary said unto Jesus, "wherefore has no one come?". And when Jesus heard this, he was saddened, for he had not realized this before.

And when Mary asked of Jesus, "would you like my salami?", He was greatly satisfied, and said unto the woman, "fill this salami-container with salami", and she did so. And when at the feast Jesus did taste of the salami from the container, it had become seasoned with spices. And Mary knew not whence it had come. But the cooks did know, and they applauded loudly in the kitchen. And when Mary had realized Jesus has eaten a spicy piece of salami, and survived, she said unto the Lord, "how the hell did You do that?". And then inquired of the Lord, "do you drive monster trucks", for she was astounded with His power.

And when Mark, Jesus' disciple, had come to the feast of the Cafeteria, he greatly admired Mary's curiosity. And so Mark brought Mary a leper whom she could feed, and Mary gave the remaining salami to the leper. Then he inquired of her, "why dost thy have a writing on your hand?", and Mary became ashamed, for Mary knew than no pagan or gypsy spell could make her as immune to the salami that was spicy. And so when Mark had taken the lepers away, Jesus had attempted to feed the last one with a granola product, but it was too late, for Mark was gone.

And when the feast had come to pass, both Jesus and Mary knew it was worth it, for they knew that all that was good was with them forever, and always in their minds. And after thinking to each other, both Mary and Jesus went to talk in tongues to the randomest of people, and the pentacost was upon them. And there, both Jesus and Mary warned man of the final testament, and the apocalypse. And then, in respect to God, they cleaned their souls and decorated them with ornaments of love. The art of time was upon them , and they knew the end was near. And so it was, when their last judgement had come to them in a form of a culminating task. For this was purgatory. And Jesus said " do not sin, for the devil will interview you", and then the night befell upon them.

Philippians, Book 4, Verse 14, period 2-3.

(this demonstrates how easily the bible may have been twisted - sorry, interpreted.)